...Sorry....

...how should i start...i don't know...
I'm really sorry...I was weak and I let myself ce influenced by what she said. I feel like such a fool for not trusting you, like I should've done.
I treated you like shit and i still felt like i was the victim. i can't believe i didn't realize that all she said was bullshit...these last days opened my eyes and now i feel so stupid for fighting with you over stupid things...
Maybe i'm repeating myself but i am really sorry...Grey...

My heart is filled with...

My heart is filled with…hate.Pure hatred wich I’ve never felt before. Why is it always me? I never was, never will be loved. I thought I coped with my situation, but instead I found myself being torn apart, from the inside.
I never knew I could feel like this: dead, empty…I am really dead inside. I can never be truly happy again. I can’t have the same smile I had in the past. It will always be a forced one, half-hearted even fake.
Why? I wonder…maybe it’s because I know something that said, would make me alive again, but it’s impossible cause it will never be said.
It’s theire fault for this but I don’t blame them, I think that in the end it would’ve been the same. It’s just that it came way too early for me an I wasn’t prepared.
I’m so jealous of those who can smile so freely…I feel so lonely, so hurt… I feel like crying my eyes out but the tears won’t come…they won’t and it hurts even more.
...hate still fills my heart…my empty now dead heart….

Tired

Tired.
Tired of waiting.
Tired of feeling guilty
Tired of feeling sad
Tired of feeling like shit everyday
Tired of people
Tired of being annoyed
Tired of this fake world
Tired of hoping
Tired of thinking that maybe, just maybe…
Tired of faking this smile every fucking day
Tired of being tired
Tired of trying so hard
Tired of trying to make people happy
Tired of everything
Tired of this shit…just too damn tired…Happy now?

Nothing will be the same

And once again, I need to write to calm myself.
Nothing will ever be the same, will it? I know understand the stupid mistake I did, writing that thing to you. I shouldn’t have done that, now you avoid me and I feel miserable. Now it makes you feel awkward, and I don’t want that. But the thing that made me decide in writing those three words was the kiss we shared that day. I felt so happy, even though I was embarrased.
But how can I understand what you think, why you keep avoiding answering my question? How can I know what you want from me? If you don’t want to have anything to do with me anymore you can just say. If you don’t like me and still wan to be friends, just say it. It’s even worse if you keep your silence, if you try to avoid talking to me.
If this will continue, I’m going to explode. My frustration keeps growing and growing…


*I don’t care if you read this, just please understand me and say something dude…I wasn’t joking with that message, really…I don’t joke with those kind of things…that’s all*